The Oasis Reporters
January 14, 2022
By Devaan Hammation
(From A Grandma Who’s Been There)
Not trying to scare anybody but sometimes seeing something clearly spelt out sends the message home more succinctly.
As you prepare for marriage remember:
Ladies – You will cook EVERYDAY at least once till old age or death even if you have hired help. The volume of cooking will be amplified on ALL festive occasions.
However, the truly rich engage professional caterers whenever occasions demand for it.
If you are lucky enough to have a chef, and full retinue of domestic staff (extremely rare) you will still need to supervise them and be on your best behavior to your husband and in-laws so they know you are deserving of your current lifestyle. In this case, you MUST ‘born boy o‘ (produce a male heir).
You will have to raise your kids yourself if you want them to have certain values. You cannot outsource that to the nanny (if your husband is kind enough to let you have one).
Your house has to be as clean as you can help DAILY. No more sweeping once a week. Now, it has to be on a daily basis.
You can no longer wake up and lounge in bed till 10 during the weekends then eat indomie and relax for the rest of the day. Dat one na complete lie. E no go happen.
You can no longer pursue things that interest you passionately. You just won’t have enough time to.
By the way, you will do ALL of the above while holding down a job or means of livelihood.
Gents – You can no longer just come and go as you please. Actually you can, but if you want a happy home, you won’t.
Except if you have no kids at all or they choose to drop out of school, you will pay school fees, 3 times a year multiplied by the number of kids, for at least 12 years.
Then twice a year for at least 4 years. Before then, prepare to pay CRÈCHE fees for a year or more. Prepare also, for child delivery bills.
Except you own a house, you will pay rent EVERY year for the rest of your life. No more squatting with friends till you can afford rent when you are broke.
You will also remember extended family members on BOTH sides of the family and help out with their challenges when you can.
You will pay hospital bills for madam and the kids as and when due. For some weird reason, na we de sick quick quick pass.
Utility bills and food will probably be split between you and madam if she is also an income earner. Same with clothing. I know of many instances where madam bears the general financial brunt too.
If either of you is not earning, well, the full financial burden will rest on only one person with the attendant tension it places on the union.
NB For those who want to have ‘AT LEAST’ 4 kids.